There are times I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face ready to face the day. There are others where I wake up and just want to go to back to bed. I have my good days and my bad days. Lately more bad than good. This whole diagnosis process, seems to be the longest thing that has ever happened in my life. I just want answers, I want this to change. This is all just becoming a lot to handle. I felt so prepared but now I just don't even know, this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. You can prepared yourself all you want but when it's right there in your face all that preparation seems to disappear. You're left in a cloud of confusion and this feeling of nothingness. I keep thinking I'm only 21, I have so much left to do and I have so much that I have yet to do. Things like dating and boyfriends, things like really living. I know that MS is not a death sentence and I know that I haven't been officially diagnosed. But I can't help but thing why me and then I feel bad because why anyone.
No one asks for this, no one wants this. I get jealous of the people I know, that weren't diagnosed till later in life. Same symptoms, same issues. It hurts because they didn't have the problems I had until they were much older. Maybe it's silly, maybe its selfish. But sometimes I just wish these symptoms hadn't showed up until after college, after I found the love of my life (if I have a love of my life) and until after I had kids. I just don't know if I'm ready to accept this.
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