People are always telling me not to worry and to not think about it. But how can you not think or worry about something when it's right in front of you. I don't like change, I need structure. But at the moment it's like my whole world is falling apart.

I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.

When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you. Let it destroy you. Or you can let it strengthen you.

A Splash of Color!

So I decided to try something new with my nails. Color block nails, I saw on the blog OH SO PRETTY the DIARIES. I picked light pink, dark pink & black. I love them, so cute!

 

I Want to Find a Love Like That

A love like Meredith and Derek’s. She was so willing to die for him, her sister, and Dr. Weber. I want to find a love like that but I don’t think a love like that really exists. It’s just a fairy tale love that writers dreamed up for people like me to believe in. It’s just a show..just a story but it’s so believable. Only it really is just a fairytale love, I wish a love like that really existed. To be so in love like that, that you would do anything for the other person. To be so in love that nothing else in the world mattered. To be so in love that you would give your life just to save the life of the person you loved. But it’s all just a fairy tale. Like Beauty and the Beast & Jasmine and Aladdin. They are all fairy tales dreamed up but writers for young children and people like me to believed in. If only life could be a fairytale..

Let’s Talk About Dating…

Dating. By definition, dating is the process of going out for (first) dates with someone, its the time when you get to know each other. It’s also usually the time where you see that person for the first and last time. People whether they be guys or girls get overly excited about the person they are “talking” to or about to meet. This “excitement” can be seen by the other person, so in turn they get excited. Well this usually just ends in let downs, on one side or another. In the process of dating, everyone is always frustrated because no one knows where he or she stands. Are we dating? Are we not? Are we “together” or are we “talking” and seeing other people? Or the most asked and thought about question of all time. Are we more than just friends? All these questions arise but who wants to ask? No one. Why? Because who wants to seem like a pain or better yet who wants to get rejected. And it doesn’t get any less frustrating either, it only gets worse as you get older. It’s hard whether your thirteen, twenty-five, or forty-two, it never gets any easier.

Dating should be a fun time in life. Instead, its a time full of stomach aches and late nights waiting up for that “person” to text or call you back. The worst part of dating is finding that one person you think you connect with, that you are really interesting in and learning that they don’t feel the same way about you. So you strike out. And have to start all over again but who wants to do that? Who wants to keep setting themselves up so disappointment, when its so much easier to just sit back and wait for someone to find you. At the end of the day, dating is just a lot of disappointments and broken hearts. Dating is never going to get any simpler, so I guess its time to dive in and embrace it. Do think you are ready to take the chance?

Non-existent?

There's this difference in the way I imagined my life, the way I see my life and the way it's going. Maybe this life I imagined is too wrapped up in fairy tale movies. Maybe I'm blinded by and can't see past the happy ever afters that don't exist. I imagined too much for myself. Things that probably don't ever exist in real life, things that just exist in movies for romantics like me. I know that a guy isn't going to just come in and sweep me off my feet but it's nice to think about..isn't it? I just sit here in my room and wonder where I went wrong with my life. Relationships that finished to early or never really began. Years and experiences that were missed out on. I often wonder if I'm really seeing things that are there or am I just making them up in my head? Like does he really like me, or is he just being friendly and super flirty? I just don't even know anymore. But what I do know is that the way my life is going is not the way I imagined it. I guess I'm just along for the ride now.

Life Moments

I've always known that life is not fair. I've tried not to complain about it because it's life and I know that everything doesn't always go the way you want it to. But my life was never really fair or easy for that matter. There has always been bumps and swerves in the road, it was never a straight and clear path. After 2 years of testing followed by 3 years of thinking I might be in the clear, I found out that I most likely have MS. I've prepared for this moment, I've been ready for this moment. But I'm not ready and I'm not prepared. I don't want this, but no one really wants this. I'm only 21, my life has barely started and I feel like it's about to end. I just want a chance at a normal life, this isn't fair.