It's Healing even at 26

The experiences I've never had before that I'm really thankful for because they are healing. These are just a few. The hugs good night before bed and the how did you sleep in the morning when I'm staying with you guys.

Making the drive to comfort me when I'm sick. When I'm upset and or scared about a situation I'm going through. For the big tight hugs that are sometimes for just because. Showing me it's okay not to be perfect; that it's okay not to know everything. That it's okay not to know something, but that sometimes you just need to research a topic a little.

For showing me that being an adult doesn't mean that you have to be a perfect cook, that it's okay to burn and overcook food. That some recipes don't need exact measurements and sometimes you should just let life happen. It's okay not to know what I want, to change my mind, and then change my mind again.

For showing me it's okay to be scared, that we aren't going to be confident in every situation that we are put into. Thank you for not trying to change me and proving to me that I've lovable.

So when you guys make the joke "the kid" is hanging out with us on Friday night. And say we are old and boring, why are you hanging out with us? I usually laugh, you're not old and boring to me. That's why, there's so much you're showing me. I'm not sure you realize it but I'm learning from you. It's changing me and the messed up views I previously had of the world and of myself. 

But it's also the feeling of being safe, secure, and loved. That's how you guys make me feel. You opened up your home and family to me. You made me feel welcome and safe, that's something I truly appreciate.

Even though it's nice to just sit and watch tv. It's not what we are doing that matters, it's more the feeling that comes from it. It feels like home, it's not a feeling I've ever had before.

I know that when I show up at your door that there's going to be no judgement, no matter what I've done. Rather maybe a few weird looks, some hugs, maybe some tears on my part but you always reassure me that it's going to be okay. The things that used to seem like such a big deal before I'm realizing aren't. The world isn't going to end when I make a mistake.

Some may think that these are things you need when you are little and that when you're an adult you've outgrown them. But if you've never had these things, you need them. Heck even if you've had them growing up you could still need them. Some may say those are little silly details that don't mean much, but for me they mean a heck of a whole lot.

I've grown a lot in the last year. Some of it has just been having the freedom to grow as my own person. Some of it has been from the new experiences, they are healing and help to fill in the holes. It's like roots and wings. You are giving me the roots I never had earlier in life, to help me grow my wings.

All the Ways that Matter

It's the moments in your life well my life in particular that I've never had before. A few months ago I wrote about how I wanted a mom. I wasn't crying for the biological one that I had, but I was longing for a mom. It's funny how life works. I have an "adopted" mom now and I'm getting the chance to experience moments I've never had before.

The "I love yous". The goofy smiles and laughter. Singing random songs and dancing in the kitchen. The big tight hugs. The good night, sleep tights before bed. The how did you sleep in the morning. Watching a show together at night just because we can. Sitting in the quiet morning silence with coffee and tea. 

Laughing at my mistakes because almost anything can be fixed. Sharing excitement for big life moments. 

It's the simple little acts. The acts that I've ever experienced, the things others may have taken for granted. Feeling loved just for being the person that I am, not having to try to fit into a mold and be someone else. Knowing I'm good enough as I am and that's an amazing feeling. When it comes down to it all, the experiences are really nice to have but I think it's the connection and bond that really make the experiences.

She may not have become a mom in the conventional sense that everyone thinks of but she's a mom in all the ways that matter most.