I'm tired of people expecting the world from me, I'm only one person. I'm not perfect I'm far from it. I've always done good in school and life. I'm a hard worker and because of that everyone always expects the best from me and nothing less. I hate the assumptions people make, sometimes I feel like it's not okay to be less than perfect or to get less than perfect grades. I'm tired of holding up this image of who I am. I want to make mistakes, I want to grow and learn from my mistakes. But instead I'm stuck playing this role of a girl who I may or may not be. I'm being judged by people who don't know me about who I may or may not be.
People always seem to be telling me I need to get out and have fun but they don't understand what it is like to be me. I've been sick since I was sixteen, I'm twenty now. Do they really think that I enjoy not going out? Do they really think that I want to spend my Friday and Saturday nights inside doing nothing? They don't know me, they don't know anything about me so how can they be so quick to judge. I've only been on one date in my life, do they think that is by choice? Because it really is not. I live with the cards that I have been dealt, as much as they suck. It's my life, I've learned to deal with it. But now I'm starting to wonder is this life worth living? Is this how my life is supposed to be? Am I always going to be sick? Maybe that's how my life is supposed to be, that this is the life I'm supposed to live maybe I should just accept it, but can I really?
The answer is that I don't think I can accept it. Yesterday, I got the report from my last MRI scan. Basically in fewer words than were used, they can't seem to decide if my tumor is benign or malignant(cancerous). I can't help but to think what I did wrong. The problem is I can't think of anything because I've always played by the rules. I've always been the good girl, I've always done what I was supposed to and what was expect of me. It's all just a little too ironic. For as long as I can remember, I have participated in Relay for Life; I've been helping fight the fight of cancer for those who couldn't fight for themselves, for those who continue to fight, for those who have won, and for those who were less fortunate and lost their battle to cancer. And now I sit here, scared for my life; the life that may be fighting the battle against cancer. I can't help but think why me but then I think why anyone for that matter? I know life is not fair trust me I'll be the first one to admit it. But where should the line be drawn?
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