Matters of Life

I never had a connection with my parents. There was no bonded relationship. Not a single tear fell when my mom would leave for rehab and she left many times. I did feel relief though, that she was finally gone even if it was only for a little bit. Maybe that makes me a bad daughter but I had no sanity when she was around. It's been eight months since I moved out and I've been fine without my parents.

But the thought of losing you guys scares me. And there are tears and overwhelming feelings.

Parents are supposed to be the one set of people that love you no matter what. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. But that wasn't my parents and I've realized that will never be my parents. They criticize my every step and have questioned me till I wasn't sure what was really right.

But you guys have supported me since day one. From doctors stuff and injections to my interviews and accepting jobs. You've backed me when I wasn't sure if the decision I was making was right. 

I can't imagine you guys not in my life. I know that our nights of us watching tv, me laying on top of your legs and you brushing my hair aren't going to last forever. The nights of me staying in what you guys call my room isn't going to last forever. But there are going to be new moments.

I see you guys there making faces (hopefully not though) at the guy (or guys) I bring home. You guys badgering him -- asking him questions from the "rules list". Even though I don't want a traditional big wedding, I still picture you there with me, helping me get ready.

So maybe things won't always stay how things are right now but I hope you'll always be apart of my life.