I've never had a good relationship with my mom, well at least as far back as I can remember. And I can really only remember my time with her starting when I was in 5th grade. 5th grade happened to coincidentally coincide with the first time I realized my mom was an alcoholic. I never really felt like she was there for me.
Even now, it's like she only wants to be around for the happy stuff and when things get rough she can't be bothered. She shouldn't get the option to be around for just the good but for some reason she seems to. That's not fair to me, I don't get the choice to poof myself away when things get bad and simply enjoy the good. She has to be there to support me for the good and the bad. She has to be there for it all. But I don't think she can which doesn't seem to bother because she doesn't really support at all. So when it comes down to all or nothing. I think she already made her decision, as hard as a realization it is for me. I'm letting go of the fantasy of her being a real mom. Because she clearly chose nothing.
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