Just Wishing

Sometimes I wish I was that girl you seem to see so clearly. The horrible, disrespectful, disobedient, and ungrateful person that you see me as. Sometimes I wish so badly that I could just go out, drink a ton of tequila, and get wasted. But once again that voice in my head stops me because I promised myself I wouldn't turn into you. Although I don't think your poison of choice was tequila. So I wouldn't be exactly like you. But you did like to turn to the bottle when things got rough.

I wish what you said didn't matter so much to me, I really do. I wish I knew how to turn it off. But I can't or at least don't know how. You say the stupidest stuff and have a way of throwing things back in my face that makes me not want to talk to you more. You're a bitch. Plain and simple. You just make me so mad. You think you have the right to criticize me, guess again you don't! Don't talk about my body and how I eat because you don't know. You're never around so how could you. You judge my every move and you wonder why I don't like being home.

I'm looking for a loop hole, wishing for a loop hole, or anything really for that matter. Anything that will get me out of here. I'll take anything at this point it really doesn't matter to me anymore. That's also because of you and probably because of me too. I've let you break me down to nothing. I've let you take my spirit and break it. I looking for something stupid, something for me to grab onto for control. Trying to find anything really, a way out, something for me to control. I just need something to get me through, wishing for a way to get through this.