Matters of Life

Part of me thinks this is always going to be hard. But it wont always be front row and center.  I tend to think a lot, its what I do. I wonder a lot too. About life, the world, my future. In some ways I've given up a lot but I've also kept so much. Through everything I've been through I've stayed true to myself and my values. Yes, I've questioned things, doubted myself many times but I stayed strong even through my hardest days. Diagnosis or not. Medical or mental. Part of me will always want answers and part of me may always be searching for them. But I think another part of me is slowly letting go again because ultimately its what's best for me.

A diagnosis wont define me, its merely a reassurance of some sort. I know what I'm going through is real but the people around me dont always believe that. But in some ways the diagnosis had made it a smidge bit easier. Although they didnt understand what I was going through at all they believed I was having symptoms and experiencing pain. But when doctors began to doubt my diagnosis so did those around me. They then began to doubt my symptoms and what I was experiencing. It went back to being oh that's really nothing, which isn't the story at all.