Thank you

As I reflected on my life and what I didn't have, I realized how truly grateful I am for what I do have and the people in my life who do care.

Thank you to the woman who lets me talk to her about my bad interviews and awkward dates. Who lets me share my fears and tells me when I really have nothing to worry about but listens to my worries anyway. The woman who tries anything to distract me when I come to her scared about something.

The one who I can text when I'm upset, who will let me come over if she's home and will give me the biggest squeeze me to death hugs. The one who has been laughing with me lately. The one I can just be silly with. The one who will just sit with me even if I'm not saying much of anything (which is totally the case sometimes).

For teaching me how to curl my hair. For taking the time to teach me stuff in general no matter what it may be. For introducing me to new experiences. For reassuring me that it's okay to cry and to feel my feelings. For believing in me and teaching me to believe and have confidence in myself. For being proud of me and telling me so.

For showing me that I am capable of doing more than I think I am. For comforting me when I go to her upset and celebrating with me when I go to her with good news. 

Thank you for being someone I can trust and showing me that it is possibly to trust. Thank you for being always being a role model, giving me someone to look up to as an example of what I wanted to be like. Thank you for being a friend. I know you're not my mom but thank you for being a mom like figure in my life for doing things a mom may do. Most of all thank you for just being there.

She didn't have to be

I had a great time this past Sunday, it's been a while since I've been able to say that. I dreaded going to look for a graduation dress. I mean yeah I was looking forward to it...I really couldn't wait to find a dress. What I could wait for was the dreaded feeling of having to go through another important step of my life alone. Okay so maybe you are thinking it's just a graduation dress but it's something that means a lot to me. I felt like I deserved a good experience and I was so sad that I was going to go through this experience alone.

Last Friday night I was at an al-anon meeting and our topic was "self pity". I spoke of how I do self pity really well and how earlier that day I was going through the why me's but that I was just going to keep working the program and let it work me. Well one of the women and I were talking after the meeting and she asked me why I was doing the why me's earlier that day. I told her, I'm graduating from college in May and that this time should be a happy time in my life but I'm going through all of these experiences alone. I explained how I just got my shoes for graduation and now I have to get my dress but I have to go through that all alone. What she said next totally caught me by surprise, she offered to go with me. I surprised myself and took her up on her offer.

On Sunday, I found myself at Kohl's shopping with my new friend. It was an amazing experience, we surprisingly had similar tastes and it was just so much fun. We'd pull a dress off the rack, we wouldn't be too sure about it but we'd pull it anyway for me to try. I did a "fashion show" of dresses as my friend said. I laughed, like really laughed and had fun. There was no stress, just fun, laughter and I just really enjoyed myself. I'm so thankful for the wonderful memory of that day and so grateful to the woman who joined me. She didn't have to go with me, she didn't have to offer but she chose to. That offer meant and means so much to me. I did find my dress and I spent the rest of my day smiling because I truly enjoyed myself. Thank you to the woman who was there when she didn't have to be.

Then I was at a meeting tonight and she was there as well she said something else that surprised me. The day before she asked me about how my doctor's appointment had gone, well let's put it this way it hadn't gone well. In our conversation the day before she asked if someone had gone to my eye doctor appointment with me. I said no, that I normally go to doctor's appointments on my own, that's just how it goes. Anyway, I was talking with her and another woman after the meeting and she turned to me and said "I just wanted to you know you can call me when you have a doctor's appointment. Just let me know the day/time/place and I'll go with you if I can." The other woman jumped in too, "Jess, you can call either of us just let us know when and where, we'll be there if we can." Tears filled my eyes. Neither of them have to be there for me and it means so much to me that they want to be there.