It's Healing even at 26

The experiences I've never had before that I'm really thankful for because they are healing. These are just a few. The hugs good night before bed and the how did you sleep in the morning when I'm staying with you guys.

Making the drive to comfort me when I'm sick. When I'm upset and or scared about a situation I'm going through. For the big tight hugs that are sometimes for just because. Showing me it's okay not to be perfect; that it's okay not to know everything. That it's okay not to know something, but that sometimes you just need to research a topic a little.

For showing me that being an adult doesn't mean that you have to be a perfect cook, that it's okay to burn and overcook food. That some recipes don't need exact measurements and sometimes you should just let life happen. It's okay not to know what I want, to change my mind, and then change my mind again.

For showing me it's okay to be scared, that we aren't going to be confident in every situation that we are put into. Thank you for not trying to change me and proving to me that I've lovable.

So when you guys make the joke "the kid" is hanging out with us on Friday night. And say we are old and boring, why are you hanging out with us? I usually laugh, you're not old and boring to me. That's why, there's so much you're showing me. I'm not sure you realize it but I'm learning from you. It's changing me and the messed up views I previously had of the world and of myself. 

But it's also the feeling of being safe, secure, and loved. That's how you guys make me feel. You opened up your home and family to me. You made me feel welcome and safe, that's something I truly appreciate.

Even though it's nice to just sit and watch tv. It's not what we are doing that matters, it's more the feeling that comes from it. It feels like home, it's not a feeling I've ever had before.

I know that when I show up at your door that there's going to be no judgement, no matter what I've done. Rather maybe a few weird looks, some hugs, maybe some tears on my part but you always reassure me that it's going to be okay. The things that used to seem like such a big deal before I'm realizing aren't. The world isn't going to end when I make a mistake.

Some may think that these are things you need when you are little and that when you're an adult you've outgrown them. But if you've never had these things, you need them. Heck even if you've had them growing up you could still need them. Some may say those are little silly details that don't mean much, but for me they mean a heck of a whole lot.

I've grown a lot in the last year. Some of it has just been having the freedom to grow as my own person. Some of it has been from the new experiences, they are healing and help to fill in the holes. It's like roots and wings. You are giving me the roots I never had earlier in life, to help me grow my wings.

Water over Blood

People say that "blood is thicker than water" when referring to family and friends. But I wonder what makes blood better because in my case it isn't.

I've been thinking about the little things lately, the little things I've never had when it comes to the blood. Its the little things people take for granted. I have some of those things now and I'm a little scared to get used to them for the fear that they may disappear is strong. The support, hugs, and laughter. Sharing important moments with someone else.

Having a  safe place and person to run to when things get tough. The tight reassuring everything is going to be okay hugs. Never having to question whether I'm in inconvenience. Although I do slip frequently because I grew up as an inconvenience and it's hard to outgrow the thought that maybe not everyone views you that way. That some people actually want to be there for you, no strings attached.

I used to try to hide my fears and be a picture perfect person but perfection is over rated and my fears let me know I'm human. Isn't everyone? I have to say it's a lot more fun being imperfect than perfect. Mistakes give me room to grow and I know now I don't have to get everything right the first time around.

I'd take water over blood anyday, my friends who have become my family. The friends that love me unconditionally, no matter what choices I make. The friends I give my trust to and who have my trust in return.

Thank you for letting me be myself. For loving all of me including my flaws, mistakes, and imperfections.