Roll the Dice

No one wants to be sick, so I'm not sure why this is so hard. I want to cry all the time because I have no idea how to feel. I want to be happy about the possibility of not having MS but it scares me because then i have no idea what is really wrong with me. I try not to think about it but I can't help it. I feel like my world has changed again. I don't want to sit and dwell on it but I also don't want to pretend like it's not happening.

I feel like I know the move I need to take. It just doesn't seem like the move I want to make but deep down I know it's the right one. It's like when you are playing Monopoly and you land on Park Place, some how its a sense of comfort. You don't want to roll the dice and move from that spot. I have to take the move forward and take the chance because ultimately this will be good for me. But the one thing I know for sure is that I can't do this alone. I need back up and support, someone to help me stay grounded. All of which I know I will not be getting from my family. Some random thoughts and feelings I've been having lately. Just another part of my journey.

Hold on Tight

You know that bar in front of you when you're on a roller coaster that we seem to hold onto for dear life. It's almost like a safety blanket or the protective wall we put up. We hold on so tight when we are going up, coming down and being flipped upside down. But we tend to loosen our grip when we think the ride is leveling out for a while. 

I think that's when we need to hold on the most especially in life. But how do you decide when its okay to loosen the hold or make your walls a little thinner? Things change constantly and suddenly.  You may think all the twists and turns are gone but then there is a sudden flip that wasn't anticipated it came out of nowhere. So at what point do we decide that we feel safe enough to leave ourselves open to the unknown? How do we know we are truly strong enough for that? I know we will always need a sense of security because we always need a little something, a little reassurance. Maybe its just taking the risk and if you happen to get flipped upside down, you take things as they come. You know you will survive, you just might not be okay right away but eventually you will be. So do we continue to hold on tight forever? Or do we decide to loosen our grip and manage through the ups and downs?