I feel so broken. I keep thinking a lot about my counseling appointment on Wednesday. My counselor asked me what I liked about my Cognitive Psychology class the most. I liked everything about it but I really liked being able to apply things to myself. The first in particular meta-cognition, thinking about your thinking. I was tell her about this puzzle we had to solve in the beginning of the year and how I was too focused on parts of it that I couldn't see the whole thing. I realized in order to solve it I had to look at the whole thing.

Then we applied this to my life. She brought up a point that's kind of been stuck with me. I've been so focused on figuring out whats going on with parts of myself, I haven't looked at the whole picture. I've had problems with my central nervous system, my ovaries and menstrual cycle, had two organs removed (granted--I didn't really need them anyways) and some other things. I've always focused on making on part of my health better at a time but what if I going about it all wrong? What if it's not just my central nervous system....what if there's something wrong with me all around?

So ready? Picture this. You are nowhere close to being where you pictured yourself at this point in time but that's okay because you've become okay with where you are. Now picture being picked up by a claw like one of those claws in the game machines at the board walk. Imagine that claw taking you off the path you are on and going backwards one too many steps and dropping you there.

That's how I feel. I've been dropped back into a place I never wanted to be let alone a place I never expected to be again. I'm not even sure what to do but cry. So that's what I've been doing, lots and lots of crying. Everyone seems to want me to be happy about whats going on. And I want to be happy but I can't be happy about this because otherwise I feel crazy. Life was so much easier with answers.