Matters of Life

Two years ago this month, I walked into what at the time was a new doctors office to me. Little did I know that it wouldn't be the last specialists office that I would walk into. At the time, I thought this is it...this is the last doctor. I'm going to get off this medication and switch to something else.

Two years ago this month, I heard words that I never thought I would ever hear. "I'm almost 99.9% sure that you don't have MS...there's nothing I can do for you." Some may think well that's a good thing right? And I guess it would be if not for the symptoms I experience. Deep down I knew something was wrong and I was pretty sure that something was MS.

Since that day, I've lived in so much fear and anxiety. Fear that I would get worse before they figured things out. Fear that they might not figure out what was wrong with me. Fear that I would end up giving in to the unknown and once again give up my fight for a diagnosis. I struggled a lot with wanting to just pretend that things were okay. Pretend that I hadn't lost my vision for a short period of time. 

Two years ago, I was overwhelmed with the fear, anxiety and the roller-coaster of ups and downs that I had taken a seat on. I could have let that take over me but I didn't. Today I'm grateful that I didn't give up. I'm grateful that I sought out other doctors and that I listened to them. I'm grateful that they saw what that doctor didn't see. I'm grateful that they referred me to other doctors within the neurology specialty when they needed to.

If I had given up that day, I wouldn't have the relief I have today. Today, I'm not overwhelmed with fear or anxiety. Today, I'm full of relief, the relief of having answers. Two days ago, I saw yet another specialist. He confirmed what I think I deep down already knew. I have MS. I'm so grateful that I didn't give up and have answers.

To those of you out there still stuck and being pulled down in what seems like quicksand don't give up. I know things may be really hard right now, trust me I understand. I've been there more times than I would have liked. But I do know things will get better. They may not be better in an hour, a day, a week or even a month. I know we want situations fixed quickly but I've learned that unfortunately that's not always reality. . Yes, it took me two years to get here but if I had given in and given up. I'd still be sinking. Hang in there because some day the sand won't feel so thick and overwhelming-ness of the situation will be gone. Hang in there because trust me if you don't your going to be missing out on so much. Trust me, things will get better. Have faith.