I'm scared. I'm sitting here trying to be as patient as I can be but I hate waiting. I hate not knowing what is going on. I hate knowing the different possibilities but then again I really don't. I like knowing what might happen, I like having the chance to be prepared.
Yesterday was my last day on the antibiotic, there has been no change. I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure that means that it isn't an infection. I could go crazy thinking what if but...what if.
I was hoping the antibiotic might have started to kick in late but now I'm pretty sure nothing is going to happen from taking it. So then whatever this thing is, it could go one of two ways. It could be benign or it could be malignant. I'm hoping for benign, but I feel as though I need to be prepared for the other. I tear up just thinking about it. I'm too young to have to deal with all this. Haven't I gone through enough?
People say that you are only given what you are strong enough to handle. I'm so tired of being strong. I'm tired of having to hold everything together. I just want to cry. I can't have Cancer. That's all I keep thinking and I feel bad because hundreds of thousands of people have cancer or have been diagnosed with cancer. Even more than that but I don't have an exact number. I know they didn't ask for it, no one does but I think I've been a good sport for the most part about the MS. I just can't deal with something else.
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