Today started out really bad but then I curled my hair, and it worked! Love curly hair!

What happens when the things you didn't think would ever happen become a reality? What happens when you think your spinal tap results would all be negative, at least that's what you kept telling yourself. But reality is something came out positive. You're not exactly sure what but you will be finding out soon.

June 6th. That's the day, where all the unknown aspects of your life will become known. That's when things become a reality.

So I've tried the whole keep my mouth shut and not complaining thing but it kind of sucks. Especially when everyone in your life has problems and they think their problems are so bad that the world is going to end. They brush mine off like it's no big deal. They have the attitude of oh so what you forget things, everyone forgets things, everyone's clumsy, so you have bad balance and oh your face is numb it's just pins and needles.

But it's not that everyone forgets things, clumsiness, bad balance, or numbness (or as everyone in my life likes to refer to it---its just pins and needles). It's a bit more serious then everyone thinks. It's not just this or that, it's everything. I only wish I had the stupid problems my friends or family have. I wish I could just throw on a knee brace and my injury or the pain would go away, because it's things like that, that my friends complain about. Okay, so you hurt your knee I would kill to have that as my biggest problem. Because honestly that can be fixed, throw a brace on, go to the doctor see what's wrong with it.

I can't put on a brace or take magic drugs to make my memory come back, to make my balance better or to even get rid of the numbness. I wish I could but I can't. So I'm sorry if I've run out of sympathy but some people have it so easy. If I could have their life I would try not to complain about the small stuff, I would be happy just to be in different shoes.

Just a little something, I've been working on in Photoshop. I wanted something to represent and remind myself of the qualities I want to keep in my life. The qualities that I admire in others, that I want to have.

Yesterday was one of my good days, aside from the fact that I was still battling off my headache from my latest spinal tap (lumbar puncture). But it was still a good day. I "met" someone who really understands. Someone who really gets everything I'm going through. Someone I can relate to. It's just a really amazing feeling knowing that you aren't alone out there in the world. That there's someone you can talk with, who happens to be going through very similar things. Someone that doesn't think you are crazy, lying or making things up because they do understand.

I joined MSWorld a few months ago, when I found out that my neurologist was seriously looking into MS. Yesterday, I really clicked with someone. I'm just happy to have found a new friend in her and that we can be there for each other. It's just a really good feeling.

The Unenviable Question

So because of everything that is going on, I go for a lot of medical tests. The one question other then the main ones of why are you having this test done and what symptoms do you have seems to be one that has to be ask several times before the person asking will believe your answer.

   "Is there any chance at all that you are pregnant?"

It makes me want to laugh every time. Because the truth is the answer is always going to be the same. No. But then they ask, are you positive that there is no chance at all, not even the slightest chance that you could be? I say No again. They ask once more and again I say No.

Every time they ask me that extra time after I have given the initial No what I really want to say is, "Not unless I'm the new virgin Mary."

Honestly because when you have spent as much time as I have dealing with doctors and tests and stuff along those lines instead of the normal teenager stuff being asked if there's a chance if you are pregnant is pretty fun.

Sometimes I want to say, I haven't had the chance  to get pregnant or No, there's definitely no chance that I'm pregnant because I'm a virgin. I want to explain to them and be like, "See when you've been seeing doctor's since you were sixteen like I have for possibly having MS, the furthest thing from your mind is dating and even further from your mind is having sex. So yes I'm positive that I'm not pregnant because I've never even dated. But if for some reason I am wrong and I am pregnant, you'll be the first to know that you have treated a girl who had a baby by immaculate conception.

It's just something I think about a lot and always think about. Should I just answer it with a No or should I lay it all out on the table for them? In case you are wondering, I always just say No...I've never laid it all out on the table for them.

Over the Years

So I got bored and decided to make a collage of picture of myself from over the years. This is a span of four years. From my senior year of high school to current. It's interesting just to look back and see how you have changed.