I thought things would be easier after my diagnosis, I thought the first year would be the hardest just getting used to the fact that I had MS and adjusting to everything that meant. But that's nothing compared to this.
I never wanted MS, who does? I wanted answers and the diagnosis of MS gave me answers, all the answers I needed. Things finally made sense. I didn't fully accept the fact that I had MS because I don't think that's something you ever fully accept. But it's something you learn to live with because it means you're not crazy and what you are going through is real. It made everything seem okay. But now my diagnosis of MS is unsure and I'm left with no real answers.
In the past I've put my life on hold waiting for answers. I'm not going to do that anymore because I've realized I may never have definite answers. I may never have a definite diagnosis of MS, for now on it may always be a "possible MS" or it could be some other illness. All I know for sure is what I'm going through and my symptoms. I know those are real. It's still hard though, not having answers to my questions. At times I'd like nothing more than pretending like I'm fine and nothing's wrong but I can't. I may be tired of being sick and having no answers but I will make it through. One step at a time, even if my questions remain unanswered. This is just one twist in the road that I didn't expect.
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