Matters of Life

I found myself after I was diagnosed with MS. I want to say that to some extent I've always been happy in different areas of my life. It's just that my life always felt so like it was broken into pieces. I was happy in parts of my life but not my life as a whole. But after I was diagnosed, I felt this sense of relief to finally have answers. I was in denial at first but that passed and I was sad about the situation. Over a year after my diagnosis, I finally found that I was in a good place. I was happy with my life, school and for the most part my health. One day, one hour seemed to take that all away. I don't think I really lost myself but it feels that way. I think its more that I lost my sense of stability and certainty both of which I think were holding things together.

So now I'm trying to find myself without answers, trying to make sense of my life when there are unknown factors. I need to get myself back to that good place. I came to realization in June that:

 "I officially embarked on this journey one year ago today but I think I've really been on this journey my whole life. It's not a new journey or even a new story just a change or added chapter in my life." from http://mattersoflifeee.blogspot.com/2013/06/letting-go.html

I'm sticking with that realization now. This is merely a change or added chapter in my life, it's not a welcomed chapter or one that I would expect like the chapter where I meet a guy, fall in love, get married, or even have kids. This is an unwanted chapter but I know I will grow from this experience. I'm trying really hard to make it through this rough patch but not without help.