Matters of Life

There are so many thoughts lately that have been running through my head. I try to think them all through but they come and go so fast that I don't have time. One thing I do know is how much of an emotional wreck I've been lately. Even now as I sit heRE and write this tears threaten to pour out of my eyes. They are just sitting there waiting. I feel like my life took a wrong turn somewhere, I'm just not sure where.

I've always wanted a happy ending but it seems like I may not get the one I've always pictured. I think that's what hurts the most. I keep reading book after book and there are these great happy endings. I think to myself I will never have that. At least it doesn't feel like I will ever have that. All I've ever really wanted was a happy ending but the farther I go, the less possible a happy ending seems.

I've always been a book person and i do mean ALWAYS. I would read books non stop when I was in elementary school just for fun and for prizes. When I reached middle school probably about 7th grade I started reading fiction books, you know the romance novel kind. I skipped right over the young adult fiction. I read about all these girls or women that were getting their happily ever after, their own happy endings. It all seemed so perfect and real. It all seemed so possible until lately that is. It doesn't seem so perfect or possible lately.  In fact, it doesn't seem possible at all.