I know I talk about this way too much but its hard when everyone around you is in a relationship or is having a baby or has a baby. I know my time for that will come eventually. I say know instead of hope because I've been hoping and so many people have told me it will. So it has to happen right? I hope so. There's hope again.
I guess I just don't think it will happen for me cause I feel like damaged goods. Most people my age just worry about meeting someone and falling in love. I worry about meeting someone and falling in love but meeting someone that will accept everything that comes with me. That means the MS. The MS symptoms, the fun MRI's once a year, the medication (currently unknown-since I'm most likely going off the Rebif), my meltdowns when I'm scared and upset. And oh so much more. But I mean with all that negative stuff I come with some really good stuff. I'm told I'm really sweet, I love cooking, I'm a loving person. I guess I just worry that the bad will over take the good.
I know life isn't always butterflies, cup cakes, and rainbows. I know there always bumps in the road. And you are always going to have to climb some mountains but I'll take some small ones. I know everyone says if a guy can't accept all of me he isn't worth it. I just hope there is someone out there who will.
July 29, 2013
July 28, 2013
It's hard to admit that something might be wrong with you. Specially when you already feel broken and feel like your body has already betrayed you. It's scary to know that something else could go wrong. I'm once again having issues with my cycle. I have no idea what's going on with my body but something is going on. I ignored it once then faced it and really didn't get any answers. I mean that's good right? Because they didn't find anything wrong. I just can't help but think if it's happening again something can't be right.
I'm just not sure if I could handle if my world turned upside down once again.
I'm just not sure if I could handle if my world turned upside down once again.
July 27, 2013
That don't impress me much!
Your jaguars, your land rovers, the fact that you speak a million languages, that fact that you think you are going to be in congress or even the president someday. That's all great for you but I don't see me fitting into your "world". We are so different and it hurt so much when you laughed at my suggestion that you just leave and go home instead of staying and hanging out with "pot heads".
I don't care about fast, flashy, expensive cars. I'm not going to agree with you or go along with something just to make you happy. I also am not putting myself into situations that I'm not comfortable in just to make you happy because I don't think that's right.
My future husband is going to drive a truck and it won't matter to him if the only thing I can say in another language is "Donde estas mis pantalones?". He'll love me for me. He won't try to force me into trying things I'm not comfortable with.
I guess I just want someone who doesn't make me feel stupid and someone that I can be me around and not someone else. I'm sorry if you thought we hit it off after talking for like 30 seconds. Maybe you were just falling back into a crush from days long ago. But those are days I'm trying to put behind me, you can stop trying. It's not working. It's kind of funny though cause I don't even think you were trying and think that's just you. They say opposites attract but I'm running. You'll find someone that is as crazy about you as your flashy lifestyle and your potential to president but it's not me. I'm sorry.
I don't care about fast, flashy, expensive cars. I'm not going to agree with you or go along with something just to make you happy. I also am not putting myself into situations that I'm not comfortable in just to make you happy because I don't think that's right.
My future husband is going to drive a truck and it won't matter to him if the only thing I can say in another language is "Donde estas mis pantalones?". He'll love me for me. He won't try to force me into trying things I'm not comfortable with.
I guess I just want someone who doesn't make me feel stupid and someone that I can be me around and not someone else. I'm sorry if you thought we hit it off after talking for like 30 seconds. Maybe you were just falling back into a crush from days long ago. But those are days I'm trying to put behind me, you can stop trying. It's not working. It's kind of funny though cause I don't even think you were trying and think that's just you. They say opposites attract but I'm running. You'll find someone that is as crazy about you as your flashy lifestyle and your potential to president but it's not me. I'm sorry.
July 18, 2013
July 16, 2013
Every Moment is Unknown
It's Friday morning, you are really excited because you are going shopping this morning for some new clothes and really cute sandals that you've been wanting. Then you go out to check the garden, you realize your asparagus plant is finally producing. It seems like the perfect start to an awesome weekend. Or so you think.
You get to the store, they don't have your sandals in your size. Okay not the end of the worLd because you find another pair that's just as cute. You look around for some new bras. You happen to start looking at people and their faces look weird. First you think well it's only one person whose face looks messed up. Stop staring at them, it's not their fault they have a messed up looking face. Then you realize everyone's faces look messed up. So then you go to text your best friend, you cant see the letters completely. You also can't read the signs in the store.You keep shopping or trying to anyway because you were so excited. But everything is a blur, then it's like your head has been struck. A sudden sharp pain through your head that doesn't leave. The pain only gets worse. You decide to leave but its too late by the time you get home its all you can do but go lay down. That's when the tears start pouring out, it hurts so bad and it seems like there's nothing you can do.
You take the pills your doctor gave you once your dad called your neuro and told him its a migrane take the pills. So you do at 12:30. You take them again at 4:45. The last dose didn't help you figure why take it again if it's not going to help so you don't. You're in lots of pain when 11:00 rolls around and your dad gets home from work. He tells you to take another. Then only after he realizes that you are in a lot of pain and have being waiting out this migrane for over 12 hours does he decide its time for the hospital.
The ER doctor tries one medication but that doesn't work. It's only after a dose of morphine that you begin to feel relief. You lay there in the bed so happy the pain is subsiding but so unhappy at how the day turned out.
You hope that you never have to go through this pain again.
You get to the store, they don't have your sandals in your size. Okay not the end of the worLd because you find another pair that's just as cute. You look around for some new bras. You happen to start looking at people and their faces look weird. First you think well it's only one person whose face looks messed up. Stop staring at them, it's not their fault they have a messed up looking face. Then you realize everyone's faces look messed up. So then you go to text your best friend, you cant see the letters completely. You also can't read the signs in the store.You keep shopping or trying to anyway because you were so excited. But everything is a blur, then it's like your head has been struck. A sudden sharp pain through your head that doesn't leave. The pain only gets worse. You decide to leave but its too late by the time you get home its all you can do but go lay down. That's when the tears start pouring out, it hurts so bad and it seems like there's nothing you can do.
You take the pills your doctor gave you once your dad called your neuro and told him its a migrane take the pills. So you do at 12:30. You take them again at 4:45. The last dose didn't help you figure why take it again if it's not going to help so you don't. You're in lots of pain when 11:00 rolls around and your dad gets home from work. He tells you to take another. Then only after he realizes that you are in a lot of pain and have being waiting out this migrane for over 12 hours does he decide its time for the hospital.
The ER doctor tries one medication but that doesn't work. It's only after a dose of morphine that you begin to feel relief. You lay there in the bed so happy the pain is subsiding but so unhappy at how the day turned out.
You hope that you never have to go through this pain again.
July 07, 2013
Double Trouble
It's bad enough when you have problems with one eye but throw in two. This has been I have to say in my top 10 most scary experiences. Going from being able to see perfectly fine, then everything is super blurry. You think maybe its just cause its getting dark out and some people are smoking. But then you move inside because maybe you're over heated? Okay, so you cool down... still nothing. Okay so your eyes are blurry and you start to get used to how the world looks like that. That is until you get home, lay down to go to bed and grab your book because you like to read before you sleep. Your eyes are legitimately blurry and messed up because the words on the pages are insanely hard to read. Break down time.
I've never been so scared and afraid in my life. My eyes still blurry as I write this but I haven't hit the 24 hour mark yet so I'm hoping it will go away before that. Otherwise, I may be in big trouble. :(
I've never been so scared and afraid in my life. My eyes still blurry as I write this but I haven't hit the 24 hour mark yet so I'm hoping it will go away before that. Otherwise, I may be in big trouble. :(
July 01, 2013
I have no idea
Ever feel like you have the world on your chest? Or maybe a hundred pound weight that prevents you from breathing? It's an awful feeling. It's basically overwhelming. That's how I feel right now. I don't have the slightest idea why I'm feeling like this right now. And all I want to do is cry.
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