A Trip Down Memory Lane....

..back to many moons ago. I found this diary today, an old Winnie the Pooh Diary. There were entries dating back to January of 2002 and the latest entry was from January 2003. If my math is right, this journal was from when I was in 5th or 6th grade. Somewhere around there. The pages filled about me going on and on about the boys I liked and thought were cute. I guess it's kind of good being able to look back at an earlier version of myself so untouched by the world. So clueless and naive. So carefree, like nothing could hurt me. It's nice seeing an old version of myself that didn't feel like the world was out to get her.

Ramblings...

I have so much going through my head right now. Things I want to say and kind of a reflection on my week, here it goes. 

I had my last counseling session this week and I think that's a good thing. I think I'm finally in a good place in my life. I may not have it all figured out and I may get absolutely mad at the way things are at times and ball my eyes out. But that's okay because I'm not hiding from it. I'm facing it and that's a good thing from what I learned. I feel like I have really grown and changed these last few months or so...actually I know I have. I feel good about where I am now even on those days where I think I hate my life. I feel really good about taking control of my life and making my own choices. The choices that were best for me not simply just the people around me. I'm gonna feel bad about it because I already do but I know deep down I had to do whats best for me right now.

In my last session my counselor asked me what some of my fears were that I still had. Dating. That was a big one. But she turned it into a possibility for me. One that I really actually want now. One that doesn't seem so scary or foreign. She was saying that I might not meet the right guy the first time but I won't know if I don't try. Then she said something that's been on my mind all week. She said when I fall in love I'll see the world in a whole other way, it will be like seeing the world through rose colored glasses. That love is an amazing thing to experience even if its unrequited love.  I've been thinking about that all week. And I cant wait for this experience. I want that other view of the world..the one with rose colored glasses. I want the world that looks different because I'm in love. Not the world that looks different and blurry because the MS is messing with my eyes. I can't wait for that experience and I really can't wait to meet the man I will share the experience with. 

I speak so freely on here because I'm not actually speaking words I'm write them. For me words are easier said written then spoken.